Thoughts on motherhood

Having been a mother for almost a year now, and with Mother's Day right around the corner, I've been reflecting on motherhood. I find it a little bit crazy that I am actually a mom. I mean, this is the only job I didn't have to fill out an application to receive. I didn't have a 90 day evaluation to make sure things were going all right. Almost a year ago the nurse handed me my newborn son and sent me out the hospital door. I had read books, sure, and talked to other moms, but really, I had no idea what I was doing. I didn't know that diapers don't really hold everything a tiny baby can fill them with, or that I would spend hours with my son napping in my lap because he refused to be laid down during the day. I didn't realize that I would have to figure out how to change a diaper fast enough to not get peed on, or that a part of my heart would be ripped away the first time I left James in the nursery at church. I didn't know the terror that would grip me on the middle of the night drive to the ER when my son started to swell up for no apparent reason. Or how much fun it would be to just laugh with my baby, and have him laugh back. How excited I would be over his first smile, his first tooth, the first time he crawled, or clapped his hands. Motherhood is a lot harder than I thought it would be, but a lot more rewarding too. I can't believe how much I love this little person, who is really quite demanding, but can melt my heart when he looks at me with those blue eyes. I know that I'm far from perfect at this job, but I am so blessed to have the opportunity to be a mom, I wouldn't trade it for anything!

Mandy <><